Most of the problems in our life are not because of what is happening out there in the world, but because of beliefs that have been planted in our minds through parents, teachers, society, books, institutions, famous figures etc and we think of them like markings in stone that guide our behaviours and actions. Not only have we bothered to test those beliefs in the light of our experience but in fact we also pass them on blindly to our children and whoever is willing to listen to us. Little do we realise that what we call as ‘problems in our life’ are nothing but 'structures and limitations' of these beliefs that stop us from seeing things as they are.
Let us take few examples:
Problem: Death in family/friends of someone young and close.
Consequence: Pain and suffering, blaming situations that caused death or God. Becoming negative, depressed, fearful; passing on fear, negativity to others.
Blind Belief: There is an age for dying. People should die only after a particular age or when old and incapable. If someone dies young then those connected with him/her are responsible for having performed bad actions in the past or past lives.
Reality Check: Cause of death is birth. Anyone who is born will die and there is no law when and how they will die.This is the most obvious and basic principle and one should accept death as a normal process/change in life. Yes, it may cause somewhat more disturbance than marriage or puberty, but that is the nature of life.
Appropriate Action: Be prepared for anyone’s death. Do not think of it as something that happens to others. Keep your life in order accordingly. Do not become dependent on anyone so there is least amount of impact due to someone passing away. Accept it as a normal process.
Problem: Any loss or failure (Financial/Business/Career/Educational)
Consequence: Anxiety, fear and depression. Blaming others or self, negativity. Guilt and regret.
Blind Belief: All actions should always bear positive consequences. Failure is bad. Failure/loss means that wrong decision was taken.
Reality Check: Only actions are in a person’s hands, not the consequences. (Bhagwad Geeta message.) For any action, whether well thought out or impulsive or guided by others, the results can be either positive or negative. Every decision/action is only a learning experience, nothing more.
Appropriate Action: Learn from your actions/decisions. In case you faced bitter consequences understand what went wrong, correct if you can, do not repeat the same mistake in future.
Problem: Feeling unappreciated and unacknowledged by others.
Consequence: Feeling low, resentful, depressed, low self-esteem.
Blind Belief: I am only as good as how others perceive or treat me.If others do not like me then there is something wrong with me and I need to do things to be liked by them, respected by them or loved by them.
Reality Check: Others only like and respect you to the extent how much you contribute to meeting their needs/desires/ambitions. Wanting to be respected and appreciated by others means doing things that would please them. What would please them? And their respect will keep on shifting based on their changing needs. Today you meet them, tomorrow you may not be able to meet them.
Appropriate Action: Acknowledge, appreciate and respect yourself. Do things that bring happiness and joy for you (these should not be illegal or harm others). Identify your passions, understand what would make you respect your own self. Once you really respect yourself, others will automatically respect you.
Problem: Unable to choose right career.
Consequence: Confusion, low self esteem.
Blind Belief: Career should bring me money, social status, power and I should love the work that I do.
Reality Check: Career means using your natural or acquired skills to be useful to society so that you can earn a decent living. Yes, one can earn indecent amounts of money, one can be in position of power and get respect, one maybe passionate about ones’ work; these are all optional.
Appropriate Action: Choose your priorities in life well. Is it money, power, passion, relationships etc. Put them in a descending order. Then make decisions based on top priorities. May be if you are lucky you may get all, but even if you get your top ones you will do well.
Problem: Something always seem to be missing even after achieving all I possibly can. I may be more comfortable physically and financially, but mentally I am stressed.
Consequence: Suffering, lack of ever lasting peace, restlessness, fear of death.
Blind Belief: I am my body, my mind, my thoughts, my feelings, my titles, my possessions, my power, my respect.
Reality Check: If I am what is stated above, then death will surely take all of it away from me. But if there is something that survives death, then I must seek it.
Appropriate Action: Only a spiritual path can resolve this state of mind.